


Hide and Stay

by coffeeandcream_mei



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M, Genderbending, Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Vaginal Fingering, fem! Kris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-25 00:33:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9794468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandcream_mei/pseuds/coffeeandcream_mei
Summary: Kristina knows it is absolutely not normal given her amount of experience, but she simply cannot help it when embarrassment takes a hold on her during sex. Her partners tell her not to hide, not to be embarrassed, to get used to the intimacy and get over herself. But things are not as easy and the amount of breakups make her weary to the point she believes she isn't cut out for long relationships. Kim Junmyeon might not be like the others.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I could say now that I ought to sprinkle holy water on myself, but for one I'm not Catholic and for another I don't think writing sex is a sin, so... enjoy? 
> 
> Unbetaed.

Anticipation is rarely a good thing in Kristina’s experience. The itching on her consciousness as a series of events slowly, steadily and surely leads towards inevitable situations makes her restless at best and awake until the knot pulling tight dissolves with a big bang and leaves her with picking up the shambles of all good things she previously had.

This time again, she had seen it coming miles ahead and while she has braced herself, the anticipation is accompanied by regret that she has not prolonged the inevitable even longer than she already did. Junmyeon has been nothing but kind, sweet and attentive and she is not ready to let go off the relationship they built so soon. Kristina wants to keep him and her good opinion on the most attractive man she ever dated, but she is too used to the scenario to believe she can. After tonight it will be perhaps a month or two and she is back on the market.

They are dating for half a year at this point and while Junmyeon has allowed her to keep him at it with sweet kisses, cuddles and general domesticity so far, things took a turn into the sexual direction after the anniversary dinner Junmyeon insisted on having. Kristina wants him, of course she does. He is attractive and she regularly entertains the thought of his body against hers, his hands on her and things happening that simply happen between people attracted to one another.

Still, when faced with the actual opportunity to find out how well they work together in a sexual aspect Kristina becomes extremely anxious. In fact, the thought of getting intimate almost repulses her. It is not because she is inexperienced in that area or that she hates her body, but rather that a certain attitude of hers in bed is usually met with an utter lack of understanding by her partner and actions that take away her comfort. The disappointment over her disability to get rid of her certain attitude has led to many breakups and Kristina has just succumbed to believing she is only good for short relationships.

She wants to hold onto Junmyeon so badly, however. He tells her he loves her, that he sleeps better next to her, he makes vacation plans together and shows her off to his friends like she is the most amazing thing he ever had in his life. He never asks questions why she sleeps in the same bed with him but shows no interest in exploring his body below his beautifully broad chest. He politely asked to kiss her after their first date, just as he politely asked her to go home with him and let him feel her skin against his after their anniversary dinner.

This is how she finds herself sprawled on top of Junmyeon’s wonderfully soft bed, anticipating the upcoming catastrophe. They are undressed down to their underwear and Junmyeon is observing her so closely she feels out of depth. Luckily he tires of it eventually and moves to her mouth, kissing her firm but gentle until her lips part and allow him to slip his tongue between them. Kristina has never been too fond of French kissing, but she indulges Junmyeon because he does not make it as wet of an affair as previous partners. He also does not plunge his tongue into her mouth as if it was a spear meant to hit a target, which is a plus.

Kristina can admit she enjoys Junmyeon’s technique a little. It is not hasty and rough but slow and soft, strokes of tongue gliding against her tongue and all over more curious about the way she likes things than dominating the kiss. She is acutely aware of the journey Junmyeon’s hands are making on her body, exploring patches of skin and testing her reactions. He takes his sweet time with her, humming lowly when Kristina’s fingers comb through his hair and mess up the immaculate style he always has them in.

“Sorry.” Kristina mumbles as Junmyeon lifts away from her lips.

“It’s fine. Touch me all you want, wherever you want.”

Now that is an invitation Kristina is not too shy to accept.

His skin feels nice beneath her fingers and her palms, muscles shifting under her hands as he moves and Kristina is almost lulled into security and comfort as she allows Junmyeon to drag her deeper into an all encompassing thrill over the novelty of the situation.

Almost.

Because then she feels Junmyeon’s fingers stroke over her folds, covered by the damp fabric of her panties and Kristina becomes painfully aware of everything Junmyeon does. She knows he can feel how aroused she is for him and how much she wants his touches to continue unraveling her. Her body is more than ready and willing to him accept him, but Kristina’s mind is not at ease and there it is, the anticipation which lodges deep and heavy in her chest to the point she feels like suffocating. She inhales desperately.

To Junmyeon it probably sounds like she is gasping for air in arousal, because he, unaware of her internal workings, pushes her panties aside and slides two fingers between her wet folds, running them practiced up and down the flesh with a thumb gently circling her clit. Kristina wishes she could thoroughly enjoy his expertise, but she is too tense.

To make matters worse Junmyeon abandons her lips and takes a quick trail of kisses down her torso, diving head first between her legs and slants his lips across her wet folds.

Kristina’s arms fly up to her face and cover her eyes, trying to block out any possible view. She knows it is absolutely not normal, given her amount of experience, but she simply cannot help it when embarrassment takes a hold on her during sex. Junmyeon stops what he is doing shortly after.

“Kris?”

There it is. The beginning of the end. Kristina has gone through this with enough partners.

The preferred modus operandi from here is for her partner to tell her not to hide, to stop being embarrassed and get over herself as if words could so easily change everything. Then they pry apart or wrestle her arms away from her face, leaving her exposed, uncomfortable and incapable of enjoying the sex fully. Mostly she fakes coming so the situation is over. So is the relationship soon after, because the embarrassment does not go away with time.

This also applies to relationships where the guys were okay with her embarrassment at first but became too frustrated to deal with her any further after the three months mark.

“Why are you hiding?” Junmyeon quietly wonders and she wants to cower.

Kristina feels him moving up her body, a hand grasping the wrist of her right arm and she whimpers because she knows what is coming next.

It doesn’t.

Warm, slightly wet softness presses against her skin, trails from her wrist to her elbow and back to where her fingers are curled into the palm. Junmyeon is kissing her, she realizes. A finger is brushing over her wrist and then Junmyeon lets go, breath ghosting over her lips before he pecks her softly.

“Are you embarrassed?” Junmyeon inquires just as softly and she feels him lifting some of his weight off her body. She does not want him to treat her so fragile.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop.”

“I will if you want me to.”

“For God’s sake Junmyeon, I’ve had sex before. You don’t need to treat me like a trembling virgin.” Kristina scoffs exasperated.

“I won’t, but something makes you embarrassed and I just want to know if you feel good and comfortable or if you need me to stop doing something uncomfortable to you.”

“You’re doing fine, nothing wrong, I just get embarrassed by default. Please don’t force me to look at you.”

“Okay.” Another kiss is pressed to her right wrist and Junmyeon’s moves back down her body. “I look forward to one day seeing your pretty eyes when we do this.”

“What if that never happens?” Kristina challenges behind her barricade of arms.

“We can think of ways to go around this?” Junmyeon immediately suggests.

“You mean to cure my embarrassment?” Kristina replies a little bitterly. She has heard those words before and the attempts to get her “used to” something were all in vain.

“No, that’s not what I mean. All I’m saying is that we can think of ways to coordinate your coping mechanism with enjoying each other. You can hide your face in the crook of my neck or we try a position where you don’t face me. Or you wear a blindfold. Anything that allows you to shield your eyes, because that seems what you need. And if that’s not it and you need me not to see you then I’m up for being the one without sight. I just want you to feel comfortable underneath all the embarrassment.”

Junmyeon’s tongue is back between her folds before Kristina can respond in any way. For the moment all she can do is trash around a little under his wonderful mouth, hips lifting to have him slide the fingers he added to the game further into her. It feels so nice and it has been a while someone ate her out. Judging by the groans Junmyeon lets he enjoys himself too.

She lifts the arm resting against her forehead and blindly reaches out until she feels hair. Fingers tangle with strands, accidentally tug here and it feels good, so good.

Junmyeon is so good to her.

“I’d like that.” Kristina finally says and the head under her hand tilts back. “Just, I don’t have a blindfold.”

“It’s fine, we don’t need to do any of this today. I’m not asking for anything. Just let me make you come.” Junmyeon pleads in a breathy tone.

“But I want you? I’m all riled up and ready.”

To emphasize how serious she is about her statement Kristina pulls her spread legs higher up. The embarrassment burns from her ears and cheeks right down to her chest, but she does not back off her words. Somehow Junmyeon has managed to make her tune the anticipation out, instead having thrill and excitement sing loudly at her.

It is silent for a moment, Junmyeon appears to be thinking for a bit. His hands keep touching her, no doubt an attempt to assure her of his presence.

“Alright, I have an idea. It’s just makeshift, but a scarf would do, right? I’ll get one, hold up.”

Kristina feels him get up and the door open. She collects herself while she hears him rummaging in the hallway and soon the mattress dips under his weight again. His hands hold onto her shoulders and before she can protest he pushes her into a sitting position and climbs behind her.

“Lower your arms?” He speaks against the nape of her neck and Kristina does. There is a scarf between her legs, thick white wool that looks soft like feathers.

“Is that alright?” Junmyeon carefully inquires.

“Absolutely. Help me tying it?”

They bind the scarf carefully around her head so that it does not slip off and then Junmyeon’s hands caress up her thighs and his fingers drag over the hem of her underwear in a silent request.

“Take them off.” Kristina orders. “The bra too and for the love of God, come back between my legs.”

Junmyeon complies with her and soon she lies under him again, naked and bared and feeling safe in the heat his body radiates. He teases her with his hands, his mouth and his words and she lets herself fall for it all and turns off her head.

“You’re so gorgeous. I’ll make you feel so good.”

Junmyeon makes good on his promise and when Kristina rests in his arms in the dark later that night, two beautiful orgasms having wrecked her body and the scarf lying on the floor next to her bra, the anticipation filling her is positive for the first time in many years.

_

It is six months later and a few weeks behind their one year anniversary that Kristina dares herself. Junmyeon breathes heavily under her while she rides him, occasional profanities mixed with her name falling from his lips, his hands on her hips while he thrusts up into the rhythm they built and the blindfold is secure over his eyes. They have not done it this way very often, but he had asked her for this - asked her to do with him whatever she wants without him being able to see and anticipate.

Kristina wonders if he enjoys observing her the way she watches him now. His jaw hangs slack, mouth open and probably dry while scratchy noises push from his throat, thick brows scrunched tight in what appears to be concentration and his ears are a little red. It makes her want to see his eyes, see if they are unfocused and wanting or shut close in bliss.

Kristina wants to see bared the unbridled want she evokes in him with her touches and her body, see the unadulterated vulnerability he reserves for no one but her and she lets curiosity win.

Without disturbing the rhythm that pushes them irresistibly to the peak of pleasure, Kristina moves a hand to Junmyeon’s head and pulls the blindfold up to rest on his forehead. It only takes a second for Junmyeon to react to the loss of silk above his open eyes.

His eyes gain focus and lock with hers, surprise on his features and in a flash the expression melts to an adoration that steals Kristina’s breath. Her hips are held down harshly, Junmyeon’s thrusts stutter and while she feels the heavy, insistent pressure as he presses as deep into her as he possibly can, his face melts into absolute pleasure. Kristina can feel him twitching inside her, his thighs quake with the impact and although an orgasm face is rarely pretty Kristina thinks Junmyeon’s expression of being lost in the feeling is the most beautiful thing.

Junmyeon is the most beautiful sight, eyes rolling back and mouth wide open with a low groan resounding from deep within his chest before his eyes slip close and he sags back against the headboard of their bed. Kristina quietly watches him bask in the aftershocks of his orgasm and takes in the harsh heaving of his chest as he gulps for air to pump into his lungs. It looks like the real physical effort that sex is.

Kristina appreciates the view all the same. In a situation like this she is forcibly reminded of the uncanny luck that allowed her to meet the man who slowly seems to come to again. With his eyes still closed Junmyeon’s hand raises to his face and he tugs the blindfold back over. Kristina sobs at the sudden gesture.

She feels so loved, so respected and it is beyond her how Junmyeon manages to make her feel this way over and over. His hands blindly reach for her then and Kristina pushes her face into the palm of his left hand, marveling at the tenderness of his touch.

“Don’t cry, you’ve been so beautiful, so brave. I’m so happy. Thank you for letting me see you.”

Kristina sobs more anyway when fingers brush over her cheekbones and Junmyeon’s other hand surely trails down her body to press a thumb against her clit.

“I got you.” Junmyeon assures her with small rocks up into her body while his thumb keeps rubbing her clit with just the right amount of pressure. He unwinds her within minutes, her sobs turning into hitched gasps and she comes undone with a drawn out moan, body going rigid before she falls forward against Junmyeon’s chest.

After Kristina has calmed Junmyeon adjusts her on top of him so he can take off the condom and they can stretch out their legs. Kristina’s thigh muscles are sore from sitting on them for a while too long and she knows if she complains then Junmyeon will give her a thorough massage, but she rather has him as her personal full body pillow for now.

A small part of her nags to get up and wipe away the wetness between her legs, but a much louder part of her brain orders her to sink fully comfortable into Junmyeon’s familiar arms. Kristina does not want to think about anything for the moment. Junmyeon discards the blindfold too, peering at her with a fond, exhausted look and entirely messy hair.

“I don’t know what that was, but wow.” Junmyeon mumbles.

“Yeah, wow. Don’t get used to it though. It’s likely not happening again.” Kristina answers immediately.

“I didn’t expect you to do that in the first place, so relax. No pressure.”

No pressure.

Kristina trusts him.

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompted by the amount of fanfiction I read where one partner hides behind their arms or hands during intimate moments and gets physically pulled from their hiding space. It gave me the idea that for some people this causes a major discomfort, which it absolutely shouldn't and voilà, this little thing happened. 
> 
> It took me ages to decide to share my works on ao3 too and here we are now. I am trash for this pairing. Come yell at me in the comments if you are too.


End file.
